My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
