I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
