Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
