Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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