I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
