I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
