Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
