two words...techno handjob
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
