either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
