We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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