I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
