The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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