dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
