I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
