i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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