Just fell off a train. Bad.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
