You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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