oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
