he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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