you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
