You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
