how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
