so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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