Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
