I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
