You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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