the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
