I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
