i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
