yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
