You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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