I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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