I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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