OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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