Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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