OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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