There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
