my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
