A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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