Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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