I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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