Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize