Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
