My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
