She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
