dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
