My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
