Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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