K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
