what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
