Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
