i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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