saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize