I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize