mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
