i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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