ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
