what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
