I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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