am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
