Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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