Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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