can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
