Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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