One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
