But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
