i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
