I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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