No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
