Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
