Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You may now shotgun with the bride
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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