i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
